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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she smelled like a LAN party
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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