we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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