"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
