You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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