Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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