THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
