so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
