the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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