God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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