its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
