so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
