So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
