Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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