How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
