Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
