This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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