just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize