My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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