Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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