Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
