R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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