So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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