it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
