I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
That's how pantless uber rides happen
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
