We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
