Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
