10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
