I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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