I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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