So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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