Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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