so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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