I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
