new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
