Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
