She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
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I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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