Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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