Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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