i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
