Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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