We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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