thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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