I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
