and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
