just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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