babies were throwing up all over the place
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
