Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize