i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
