I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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