i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
