Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
