The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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