Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
