If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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