She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
