How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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