Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
