What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
