Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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