The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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