I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
